She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i now understand why vodka
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
