my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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