What a fucking waste of an outfit
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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