i wish my penis had a tongue
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
