Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
