yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
