So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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