My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
