I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
