from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
