I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
