New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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