i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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