I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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