4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
