is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
