She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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