thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
