Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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