you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
