God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The air taste purple.
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