you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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