Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
