when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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