hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
