The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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