with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
