Don't you send me to vm
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
