oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
