her vagine was all disorganized.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
