Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
