got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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