Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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