He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
