I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
