I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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