exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
