He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
