You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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