too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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