so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
