: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
