Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
