I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
