True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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