ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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