Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
