can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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