we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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