i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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